It's been a long summer vacation. And as much as I'd love to lie and say that everything's great, I can never lie to myself. It's been a good summer so far, I get to hang out with my friends more often, go to some places, spend the whole day watching TV or browsing the Net or just sleep all day. But I know full well that I. AM. NOT. OKAY.
I started this year with the positivity and the vow to not give a fuck to save myself from pain. But just when the FIRST FREAKING MONTH of the year was about to end, I fell in love. GDI. And so I broke my vow and let myself go have some love. Things were going great until he just woke up one day and decided to break up. It's been really hard for me, you know.
Yes it's painful but, come on, I've been on that road before. I know how to handle a broken heart this time (well not really but yeah).
Having my heart broken was kinda expected. What I didn't expect was to lose friends. Friends I thought I'm gonna have forever, friends I could trust and lean on especially on the darkest days.
I've been hated on and misjudged quite a lot lately. I'm being cyberbullied. It's not fun, it doesn't feel good either and to be very honest, I'm hurt. Words have a different way of hurting us. Words can either break us or make us. And that's why we should be careful when we say something to someone. Everyone has a battle that we do not know of so let's at least do our best to be kind even if others are not.
I' ve been receiving a lot of hate messages in ask.fm lately and it's getting out of control. As much as I'd like to ignore them, they get into my nerves and sometimes I just burst out. This one time I was able to read something really offensive about me and the worse part is it was sent to my ex. Wtf right? So I broke down. I was mad, I was hurt, I was crying.
In times like this, you expect your friends to be there, comfort you or defend you and all but you realize you're slowly losing all of them. Not really all of them but the ones you always share your thoughts and secrets with. The only thing worse than going through all these break-ups and cyberbullying is going through them alone.
Sometimes I just wish to disappear so I don't have to face these problems anymore. Sometimes I just wanna runaway to a very far place and start anew. I just wanna get out now and stop this madness. I just want to clear this all up. I want to put a stop on the pain, on the tears. I'm not doing so well right now and I'm afraid. I'm terrified. It's the last month I have before I turn 18 and I feel like giving up already. Is there a way out from all this?
How do we escape the labyrinth of sufferings? Of pain? Can we ever get out? Or are we stuck here until we die? Or are we stuck here even after we die? What do we do to get out of this mess? What do we say to make things okay? Who do we go to and talk to to ease the pain? How do we stop the pain? How do we stop the tears? It seems like we're trapped. How do we escape? And most importantly, how do you make yourself okay again?
I just found this blog of yours, I know its really to late. you are happy now, Sorry for not having a clue that you are suffering that you are in pain. I was once talk about you about break up I dont want to remind you about that but I know that it wouldnt really be easy for you it was really hard just to make you laugh, when we were taking about that, it was so hard to make you smile to make you feel okay you might not remember that but I do. I know that we just know each other by the social sites or "The Internet" but I want you to know that you really matter to be , being your partner I want you to know that I do care for you that you can count on me everytime you need I have been watching you for a long time trying to see if you okay been watching your facebook feeds been lurking in your ask.fm but I never realized that you were in pain. Im sorry for that but you what Partner even though we havent really talk much since last year summer but Im still here I dont want you to disappear I want you just to be there but if you really plan to run I will with you I dont want you to feel alone because Im been there you might not know but you saved me from that abyss of nothing. Its not about returning the favor but I just want you to feel special because you are special. I still believe that there are big ships and small ships but the ship is our Partnership. :) smile Partner Im here for you. ;)
ReplyDelete-Yours Partner :D
didnt check for errors now Im just laughing because I found allot of them but I hope you can still read it.
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