A Random Thought.

A guy friend texted me last week. It was 10pm and I was sleepy but I texted back.

He told me that his girlfriend broke up with him but he's not gonna cry since he's a guy.

It's the first time this guy had his heart broken. Poor kid. He told me it hurts but he didn't want to cry because he's a guy. Yes, he emphasized that. He's a guy so he won't cry.

You know, I think it's stupid. The kind of mindset our society has impressed on us. "Guys are not supposed to cry." WHAT?! Just because he's a guy doesn't mean he has no heart or feelings anymore, right? I mean why don't they understand and accept the fact that IT'S OKAY TO CRY!

When you're hurt, cry. It's not an indication of weakness.

Since the time of our birth, crying has been an indication that we're alive.

Nothing is wrong with crying especially when you're hurt. Even Jesus wept.

It doesn't matter who and what you are, if you're hurt; cry.

And I Just Can't Help Myself.

I was dying a little bit inside every time I check my phone and I can't find your name.

"It's December first." I thought to myself. This will be the last time I'll wait for your text. If I don't get one, maybe it's because you don't want me anymore. And I just have to accept that.

I was okay. As the sun starts to set, I get the feeling of acceptance that maybe you don't want me anymore. And I was preparing myself for the goodbye I didn't want but was expecting.

I was alone in my room, trying to fall asleep for at least 15 minutes or so when I received a text. I wasn't expecting your name to come up.. but then it did.

My eyes got bigger. Shocked. My heart beat was faster than usual. And then I forgot about all the hurts I was feeling 3 days ago. Nothing mattered to me but you. I have to admit, I was falling and when I was about to let go, you grabbed my hand and said you're here now.

I didn't reply. I didn't want to, thinking you won't look for me again. But few minutes later you sent me a text, again. And I knew, I fell in love with you again. I don't know why I said again when I never really stopped.

I never thought it was possible; to fall in love even harder with you, harder than the way I already am in love with you.

No one ever made me feel this way except for you. Only you.

Okay Lang Ako.

Smiling as if nothing's wrong. I'm trying to convince everyone that I'm fine maybe because that's what I want to be.

Hey, it's the 30th again. It's been two months since I heard what I really wanted to hear from you.

I told myself I won't miss you. That I'll be okay. But who am I kidding? A day without you sending me a text message makes me paranoid. I know, I'm stupid. I'm childish. I'm sorry for being this way. For being clingy and all.

November 30, 2011 have 24 hours. I hope I'll receive even just a single message from you. I'm worried. I can't help myself from worrying. My mind is blank...

I can't think of anything anymore.

I'm fine, that's what I tell people not because I'm fine but because I'm hoping that's what I would be.

Kundiman.

To make up for my emo post, here is the lyrics of the song that I find really sweet and touching.

You can search for it and listen to it if you want.

Kundiman-Silent Sanctuary

Para kang asukalSintamis mong magmahalPara kang PinturaBuhay ko ikaw ang nagpintaPara kang unanPinapainit mo ang aking tiyanPara kang kumotNa yumayakap sa tuwing ako'y nalulungkot
Refrain:Kaya't wag magtatakaKung bakit ayaw kitang mawala
Chorus:Kung hindi man tayo hanggang duloWag mong kalimutannandito lang akolaging umaalalayDahil ang taning panalangin ko ay ikaw
II.Di baleng maghapon na umulanBasta't ikaw ang sasandalan liwanagNg lumulubog na arawkay sarap pagmasdanLalo na kapag nasisinagan ang iyong mukhaAyoko nang magsawahinding hindi magsasawa sa iyo(REPEAT REFRAIN AND CHORUS)
Bridge:Bahala na ayoko muna magsalitahayaan na muna natinang hatol ng tadhana(REPEAT CHORUS)Dahil ang tanging panalangin,Dahil ang tangin panalanigin ko ay ikaw

Credits to: www.metrolyrics.com

I just really like this. It explains everything. Just everything.

Iloveyou.

I Must Be Paranoid.

Maybe I'm over thinking. Or maybe I'm just overreacting. I don't know.
But I know something's changed.

Something I never thought would happen.. or at least I never wanted to happen.
Could it be? You're getting tired of me? Of us?
How could I say us if there was never us. Just You and Me but no Us.

I'm happy, I really am. To be finally loved by you. But I'm getting tired.

No more "I love you's". A small thing but definitely made me think about it all this time.
You can't blame me. You're far and your I love you's are my only assurance. But now it's gone. No more I love you's when I need it. Or even in random moments.

I don't know.. I can't think of anything anymore.


I'll be better someday. Or at least I hope.


Please don't mind this post. I just need to get this out.

Random Cheesy-ness.

-- out of nowhere --
Him: Ikaw lang :D
Ako: Ako lang ang? :))
Him: MAHAL KO.


-- random messages like this makes me smile like an idiot for a minute or two. Oh wait lemme correct that, messages like this from him. :)

RANT

Facebook. It's actually giving us less privacy. But that's not my point.
Location is stated in someone's profile, right? Why not read? Why bother ask if it's already there and all you have to do is read.
Another thing, you ask a person for their number and they don't give it-- why force them? It's their number and they have the final decision if they're gonna give it to you or not. If they do, lucky for you, if they don't, then accept it. Don't force them.
Then this is what really, and I mean really bothers me.
I log in, I have friend request, I accept it, you message me and ask me who I am. Lemme get this straight, you added me. I should be the one to ask you, right?


Lemme rant about these things for a while. Kbye.

Nobody Else

I feel so loaded and stressed but guess what? I ain't even doing anything. I'm too lazy, okay?

So... I guess you got curious with the title, right?
Well the truth is, I've been loaded with work the past weeks and I need to relax.
You know what relaxes me? Oh wait, it's more of a who. Yup, it's him.
His morning text messages and his corny jokes-- all those things relax me.


Our endless conversations that start at like 5am and ends at 11pm. Sometimes, it somehow feels that 24 hours isn't enough for us to talk about anything. Just anything.
And this is what I like best about him. I can be myself when I'm with him. No need to pretend or hide the real me.
The fact that I can tell him just anything, anything at all and feel comfortable with it.

So. Why Nobody Else?

Simply because nobody else makes me feel this way. Corny, yes, but it's true.
It's gonna be really hard for me to let go if ever.
But right now, all I know is I'm happy and contented.

RGE. <3

Strangers In Love Part Four

"WHAT TIME IS IT?!" Nico said as he woke up and rushed to the CR when he realized he was late.

"Good morning! :)" was the text message he sent to Sophia even though he was in a rush.

5 minutes later, there was no reply. He thought maybe Sophia's busy so he just went on his way.

Nico arrived school. Excited to see Sophia, he rushed into the hallway. With his fingers crossed, he hoped he could bump into her again. He went in and was disappointed. Sophia wasn't there. His crossed fingers failed him once again. Thinking maybe Sophia was just late, he continued to walk with this head down.

7:50am and Sophia wasn't there yet. Everyone got finished with the assembly and went to their rooms. He glanced at the Third Year room, thinking Sophia's there but she wasn't.

Homeroom time. Everyone was so busy chatting with each other. He took his phone out, hoping Sophia had replied already. She did. He read it, "Hey, good morning! I'm sorry, I can't attend school today. I'm sick. :("

Disappointed and sad, that's how Nico felt. The teacher went in so he hid his phone.

Time went by, Sophia was still on his mind. No one else was. Only Sophia.

It was break time when he decided to text Sophia a get-well-soon message.

He went to the cafeteria to buy something to eat for he was hungry, realizing he didn't take his breakfast.

When he went to the cafeteria, he saw Sophia's favorite food, Hello Panda. He bought two, one for him and one for Sophia.

He went upstairs and sneaked into the Third Year classroom. Luckily, no one was there. He placed the Hello Panda under Sophia's desk with a note on it saying "I hope you'll feel better :)"

Worried that someone might see him, he left the room and went directly to their room like nothing happened.

He sat on his chair, eating the Hello Panda. "I hope she'll be here tomorrow", Nico thought to himself.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Sorry it took a long time for this part to be posted! Sorry it's not that good. :(

Uh, Vacation?

This doesn't feel like a vacation.

Anyway, I'm in Manila with my Mom and one of my best friends, Erika.

It's Halloween and I think our faces fit the season! HAHAHA.

September, October and Finally November! Lots of crazy stuff happened the past months. The whole 2011 was surprising. I just can't believe the things I'm experiencing.

Well, like being loved by the person whom I've liked for more than a year now and I've loved for how many months. (Okay this sounds corny but you know)

Having high grades in my quarterly exams.

And a whole lot more. Most of the things, if not everything, are actually going the way I want them to and it feels awesome.

Anyway, this girl right here, is Erika. I've been best friends with girl for how many years now. I don't know how, when and why we became best friends. Seriously. I just love her and I enjoy her company.

And.. about the guy I love. Well, we've been friends for quite some time now. I met him last year, July 24th. We became close when we started texting each other, April 24th of this year. Neither of us ever thought we'd actually fall in love with each other. Well, I was the first one. I fell in love with him maybe May or June but I never thought he'd actually feel the same. (Okay, this is really corny but you know, everyone becomes corny when it comes to love).

Thinking he'd never feel the same, I wanted to give up. I mean, what's the point, right? But of course, as a friend, I was always there for him especially when no one else was.

The night of September 30 came. When I least expected it, he told me he loves me. I was stunned. Speechless. I didn't know what to say since I was about to give up on him. He had the right timing and I couldn't be happier.

It's been a month and 2 days but he still loves me. I just hope this time, I wouldn't get my heart broken like the last time.

True love can wait, right? Though you're far, I know you love me. That's what you said and I believe you.

What's up?

So... it's been weeks, a month I think. I wanna continue Strangers In Love but the person I dedicate the story to doesn't want me to continue it anymore so... I'm still thinking.

Anyway, I'm in a not-so-good-mood today.

I'm so lazy, okay? I'm lazy to study, to live. LOL.

I ran out of words so yeah. Bye.

Strangers In Love Part Three

A new day. Another day for Nico and Sophia to go to school. But this is no ordinary day, especially for Nico.

Nico got up and did his morning rituals and went on his way. Same with Sophia.

They arrived school at the same time, but because they didn't know they're friends, they didn't mind each other.

At lunch break, when everyone went to the cafeteria to eat, Nico stayed inside the room. He pulled out his cellphone and sent a message to Sophia. "Hi! I was just wondering, how are you?"

"Oh hey! I'm doing just fine. Have you eaten your lunch yet?", Sophia answered.

"Yup, how about you?", Nico replied.

"I'm pretty full. Oh, so, where are you?", asked Sophia.

"You'll know who I am if I tell you!", said Nico.

"You're so clever! Hahaha! Anyway, I have to go. Mr. Reyes is already here. Talk to you later! Bye! :)", Sophia said.

Nico got bored so he checked the hallway since his classmates aren't back yet and their next teacher isn't there either.

He passed by the third year room where Sophia was, he saw Mr. Reyes. "She wasn't lying.", Nico said to himself.

Then 5 minutes later, Mrs. Garcia, Nico's next teacher, was on her way to the first year room so Nico rushed inside the room as if Mrs. Garcia was chasing him.

It was, again, dismissal.

Sophia went to the first year's room since Mr. Reyes told her to give Nico back the dictionary Mr. Reyes borrowed. Since Sophia didn't know who Nico was, she waited for the freshmen to go out and she told herself she'll ask the first person who comes out. It was Nico. So Sophia talked to Nico, not knowing he's the one she's been talking to through SMS the night before and just a while ago.

"Uhm, hi! I'm Sophia and I'm looking for Nico. Mr. Reyes told me to give this back to him.", Sophia said, smiling.

Nico stared at Sophia.She was stunned by the beauty this girl has. "Wow, she's beautiful.", he said to himself. It felt like time has stopped and all he could see is this beautiful girl standing in front of him. Smiling at him with her hair pulled down real nice.

He got nervous. His knees started shaking. But he can't help but stare at Sophia.

He realized Sophia was talking to him so he finally answered with an obvious nervous voice, "I-I'm Nico."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know. Here's your dictionary. Mr. Reyes wanted to say thanks.", Sophia said.

"O-Okay.", Nico answered.

Sophia smiled at Nico. "Okay. Bye!", she said then left.

Nico stood there, stunned. His heart was beating real fast and he didn't know why.

When Nico got home, he sent Sophia a message asking how was her day.

"Fine, and oh. I met one of your classmates. His name is Nico. Are you friends with him?", Sophia said, not knowing she's talking to Nico.

As soon as Nico received the message, he was shocked. The girl she talked to this afternoon who got his heart beating real fast is the same girl she's talking to right now!

His heart was pounding. His face was turning red. He can't move. He can't talk. He can't even blink. He didn't know what he's supposed to do. He can't breathe properly. He stared at his phone with Sophia's message.

"Uh, yes. I know him. So... what do you think about him?", Nico finally answered. After sending the message, he got really shy that he didn't even know how to keep the conversation going anymore.

"Oh, well... he's nice and cute. Just don't tell him I said that!", Sophia answered.

Upon reading this, Nico blushed. Then they had a really unforgettable conversation that night.

Of course, Nico had one of the greatest nights of his life.

"Sophia", he muttered. "Sophia."

Nico went to bed with a smile on his face and Sophia as well as Sophia's smile on his mind.

"Sophia", he said for the last time. He's still smiling.

TO BE CONTINUED.

A good story can't be rushed. Hahahaha! Kidding. ;)

The Overwhelming Truth.

I just wanted to pause from writing the series of Strangers In Love. Thank you for those who read it anyway, I truly appreciate it! :)

Anyway, this picture is not just a normal, random picture. As you can see I was very much stunned by this beauty. This is a real-life picture of the planet Saturn. Yup, you read that right. This isn't an artwork of some great painter or whatsoever. This is REAL. How awesome is that?

Full story here: http://ph.news.yahoo.com/blogs/technology-blog/nasa-cassini-orbiter-snaps-unbelievable-picture-saturn-144133480.html

But what really stops me and brings me to tears is the thought of no matter how beautiful that is, God still thinks I'm more precious. As in me, who isn't perfect. Who's far from perfect. I have my flaws, my fears, my faults and all. If I am to compare myself to how beautiful this picture of Saturn is, I'm nothing. I'm not even close to beautiful. But God thinks the other way around. He loves me despite all the flaws I have. He accepts me for who I am and that brings me to tears. Why? Because no matter how big of a failure I think I am, God still loves me. And I am truly thankful for that. My God is awesome, wonderful, amazing, forgiving and loving.

This doesn't only apply to me, it also applies to YOU! Yes, you! Don't believe others if they tell you you're no good. That is the perfect time to prove them wrong! Don't let others bring you down. And if ever, don't worry. God is stretching His arm to you, grabbing for your hand, all you have to do is give Him your hand and trust Him. Don't believe others if they tell you you're not beautiful, yes you're not perfect, but they aren't either. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You're created by His own image. You are beautiful!

Strangers In Love Part Two

Nico's one of the lucky ones who didn't get the chance to have a partner.

He's somehow anti-social but there was this disappointment that came to him. As if he'd like to be friends with someone from the juniors. He was actually crossing his fingers, hoping he'd be paired up with someone but unluckily, his crossed fingers failed him.

Sophia on the other hand didn't pay that much attention to the activity. She'd be more than fine being friends with someone from the freshmen.

Justin was destined to be Sophia's partner. Justin is a cool guy, or at least. He's a boastful young man who's almost everyone would like to have as a friend. Cool and cute in the eyes of some, irritating for the others. He has the i-don't-care-about-the-world attitude. For him, it's all about him.

Because of this, he gave Nico the paper which had Sophia's e-mail address and phone number. Nico didn't make it obvious but he was happy. Very happy.

"What's this?", Nico asked Justin.

"You should have some friends, dude. Take it. Be friends with whoever that is.", Justin answered then left.

Nico stared at this piece of paper. What's written in this paper can be the greatest or worst thing that's ever gonna happen in his life. He put it inside his bag.

It was dismissal. Sophia came out of their room with her friends. As usual, they're laughing.

Nico passed by without even looking at Sophia and her friends. Nothing's unusual with this though.

Nico reached home. He was studying for the History exam he'll have the next day.

When he opened his notebook, he saw the paper Justin gave him. He put it down.

After he finished studying, he sent a message to the number. He said hi, without stating his name.

Sophia was reading her favorite book when she received the message. She was excited to reply to the message.

They had a really long conversation but they still didn't know whom they're having a conversation with.

"Thank you for your interest in having me as a friend.", Nico said.

"Don't mention it! I'd love to be friends with you. Not just in SMS but of course, it would be better if I know you in person.", Sophia answered.

"I don't know you either. Maybe someday but not now.", Said Nico.

"Yeah, maybe. Oh, I better sleep now. You should, too! It's getting late. See you in school! Even if I don't really know who you are. :) Good night!", Sophia said.

"OK. Good night. See you!", Nico said, ending the conversation.

Both Nico and Sophia went to bed with a smile on their faces knowing they made friends with a stranger whom they're really comfortable with.

TO BE CONTINUED.

The part two isn't that great but I'll work harder on the third part! Sorry, and thank you! :)

Strangers In Love

It's a typical day for Sophia. Just a normal day, she thought. Nothing special. What she didn't know is, this is the day that will definitely change her life... forever.

Sophia is a happy-go-lucky girl. A 14 year old girl who's in third year high school. Sophia is a great singer, a good student, a loving daughter, sister and friend. She loves to experiment in the kitchen and to read books.

"Another day to go to school.", she said as she got up from bed, did her morning rituals and went on her way. She arrived in school, said hi to the guards, teachers, friends and classmates. She was on her way to the cafeteria when she bumped into someone. Someone whom she never had the chance to talk to. They've been in the same school for quite some time but they never really got to talk. They didn't even know each other's name.

"Sorry", said Sophia. "Sorry", responded the guy. They went on their way after apologizing.

The guy Sophia bumped into was Nico. Nico is a freshman in her school. Nico is a tall, charming, messy haired boy. He has never talked to Sophia, neither did Sophia. They didn't know each other. They didn't even know each other's names.

Their school authorities had a crazy idea for the month of October. All the high school students were called and gathered in a room. Sophia and Nico were, of course, included. They recognized each other as someone they bumped into this morning, but they went to their seats, not even saying a single word, not even a "Hi" or a "Hello" or "Sorry about this morning". Nothing at all.

One of the teachers greeted them and they responded, here's the crazy idea: They're supposed to have a partner from other class, other level. They, freshmen and sophomores were not included, were supposed to write their e-mail addresses and their phone numbers in a sheet of paper and put it in a bowl where the other students would pick and whoever picks who, they'll be partners for the whole October. Everyone dropped their papers in the glass bowl. Each level had a separate bowl for their class.

The freshmen, Nico; included, were to pick first. The other levels were asked to leave the room for a moment. The freshmen were asked to pick a paper from the bowl of the juniors. Then the freshmen were asked to leave the room, the sophomores came in and they were asked to pick from the bowl of the seniors.

Some of the freshmen had a partner, some didn't. Same goes for the sophomores. The ones who didn't get a partner called themselves lucky. Who picked who? No one knew, except them alone.

They had the person's e-mail addresses and phone numbers but had no idea who it was, for some reasons, students of this school never get the chance to be close to each other. Except for their classmates.

To be continued. :)

Because if I post the whole story tonight, you might not want to visit my blog anymore. JK.

Cleaning Could Be Fun

I rarely do household chores, to be honest.

So a while ago, we cooked for our TLE class. "Ugh, we'll be cleaning these things later." I said to myself.

Yep, as expected, we did.

Well, we went up first for our AP class, then in lunch time, we went to the TLE room to clean the dishes. We were all shocked with what we saw. The water from the faucet overflowed! I swear, the look on our faces were epic. And of course, we started taking out the water. We washed the plates, utensils, pans and all those stuffs we used. Here's the thing: it didn't even feel like a chore! We, I guess, had fun cleaning the room. It was awesome. We were joking around and it was as if we were just playing.

Three of the boys were outside and they didn't even bother helping us clean the room. They were catching dragonflies and they would put it INSIDE the hose. They're so rude! And they even snapped the poor dragonfly's head off. Nonetheless, the whole experience was fun.

You don't know what's childish until you know us. No, seriously. But despite of being childish, I love these people.

High school would be less fun if I weren't classmates with them.

Too Much For The Encouragement

I was actually planning to post stories that I made, for the whole week. A Chance For Romance is actually the first. My mood got ruined, thanks to the people here.

Having strangers tell you that you can't do something hurts, much more when this "you can't" statement came from one or more family members, right?

Family. They're actually the ones you expect that would encourage you and support you, right? But why is my family like this? I mean....

Ugh, never mind. I'm not in the mood. Maybe the story posting will be once a week?

Watch out for the next stories. Kthnxbye.

A Chance For Romance

I was sitting in this corner of the room, looking outside the window. It's raining outside and there's no sign of the weather to get any better soon. You came and sat beside me. I looked at you and you smiled, I smiled back. We've known each other for quite a long time but there's just something about your look, your smile that makes it different, different than the way you smiled and looked at me before. "What could it be?", I ask myself.

I stare at you as you joke around with me and try to make me feel better despite of the cold weather. I stare at your messy hair and your deep, black eyes and I couldn't help but... smile.

Hours passed and the electricity isn't back yet, probably because of the bad weather. We sit here while letting the time pass by. Sitting beside each other, normal. Simple. Nothing special.. until now.

You're leaning on me as you sleep dearly and it's normal. We're best of friends, we do this a lot and I'm used to it. But there's something different.. something new.

You stretched out your arm as you woke up. Looked at me and smiled, like what you always do. I smiled and messed your just-got-up-from-bed-hair. We laughed. We paused. We looked at each other.

The way you look, I knew there's something different.. I just didn't know yet what it was.

"Let's eat, I'm hungry." You said, you stood up and grabbed for my hand. On the way to the kitchen, you were still holding my hand. I'm wearing your jacket that you gave me a while ago. We finished eating.

You stood up, grabbed my hand and led me to the garden. We sat under the dark sky while the rain is heavily pouring.

"I have something to say", you said. "I-I-I-I--" you paused. You had something to say but didn't know how to get it out. You stared at me for five seconds, you looked pale and you were shivering.

I smiled. "Come on, we're best friends. You can tell me anything, remember? We're best friends!"

You looked down. There was silence that was too precious to be broken. "That's the point", you finally broke the silence. "What?", I blurted out. "That's the point." I didn't understand. I was confused. I kept on staring at you. Serenity covered the place. My heart was pounding.

Finally, you held my hand. My heart was still pounding. You looked at me. You placed my hair at the back of my ear. "I wanted to see your face clearer", you said, beaming. "You're so beautiful", you told me as you stare into my eyes.

You sighed. "Listen, we've been friends for a while. You know my story, I know yours. But the thing is.. I don't wanna be just friends anymore." We both paused, stared at each other. I can feel my blood rising to my face. I feel red.

"Stop it. Stop kidding me! You're acting weird!", I said as I hit you on your arm. You took my hand and kissed it. "I love you and I mean that. I don't love you just as a good friend. I love you more than anything in this world", you said.

I pulled out my hand and stood up. I was walking away when you grabbed me and embraced me.

I feel the beating of your heart. I pulled away but you didn't want to let me go.

"You're scared. You're scared of getting hurt. You're scared that I might leave you. I know your story. I'm not one of those guys who just leaves you crying every night. I love you. Believe me, I love you." You said, not wanting to let go of me. And then you finally did.

I was crying. You lifted my head. Wiped away my tears. Kissed my forehead.

"What if--", I tried to say. I couldn't continue because you interrupted, "You have nothing to worry about. I love you and I would never want to hurt you. I promise."

You leaned forward slowly, then you kissed me.

"I love you." I said.

"Good. Because I love you more." You answered.

It's Not Me Who's Good; It's God.

Praises. Compliments. Honors. Things I often hear or get from people whenever I do something they think is good. Let me just clear this out; I don't keep on doing these things to get praises, I keep on doing these things because I'm aiming for excellence. I am not settling for good; I am aiming for great.

Singing, acting, dancing, writing: things that cause people to compliment me. These forms of art that I never thought I was good enough for; people think I am.

Thankful: that's how I feel. But all these praises are not for me but rather, for my God. It is not me who's good; it's God.

For I can never be able to do these things if not for Him. I sing, act, dance and write for Him and because of Him. He deserves all the praises and thanksgiving. He is wonderful and great.

He owns me, my heart and my desires.

I'm casting all my cares upon Him and Him alone.

It feels great to have a God who's willing to love, care and forgive you.

A God who thinks you're wonderful and lovely no matter how bad the things you did.

A God who knows what's in your heart, mind, past, present and future but loves you the same.

Thank You for this great love, Lord.

Pissed Off.

Can you please stop telling me I can't do things on my own? Can you please just stop?!

You don't know what I'm keeping inside, you don't know how I feel so please just freaking stop telling me I can't because I know I can. I can if you let me. How will I be able if you won't let me do things on my own? All of my life there has been people doing my job for me, and I'm thankful for that. But I guess it's time for me to stand on my own. To do things my way. I guess by the time I graduate high school, I need to explore the world. I should get out there and try to survive. I need to know what I can and what I can't. I have to be on my own even once. But how will I be able to do that if you keep on telling me I can't?! If you keep on controlling me. Please, for once. Just, just stop telling me what to do and let me figure things on my own.

What Else Is There?

What else is there?
Is there anything better to look forward to?

That moment when you already know what you wanna be. When you finally decided what path you'll take; where you want to take it; what university you'd like to shape you in being the person you're actually supposed to be. Or at least.

Those decisions that would lighten up your burdens about your future, your worries lessened.

And then boom! Another obstacle opposes to your dream.

Another huge, enormous obstacle blocks the way for you to reach for your dream.

The university you plan to attend doesn't have the course you want to take.

What else is there for me?

What other obstacles and problems are there?

Maybe it's time for me to accept the reality I'll never reach my goal.

Disappointed and hurt; like always.

The thing with disappointments is it comes right at you with no warnings at all. Thus, it usually results to a broken heart and crushed dreams.

Hopeless and Giving Up.

Three years have passed since I had this desire. The moment I laid my eyes on the enormous display of the Blue Eagle, I knew right then and there that I want to go here and let this university shape me and form me in being the person I should be. Let this university train me and enhance my knowledge in the career and path I'd like to take.

Three years ago, this dream seemed so close, so achievable. It seemed so bare. It seemed like it was standing in front of me, smiling at me, waiting for me.

But now, this dream I eagerly desire seems so complex and inconceivable. But looking at how things are going right now, this ambition I have seems so far, so difficult to achieve. So impossible. It feels like I'm stuck in the spot where I was standing three years ago, not wanting to move, not even an inch. Not realizing that the dream that was once in front of me, waiting for me to grab it was slowly running away. And I stand in this spot, watching it slowly fade away.

As I come to think of it, it's not yet too late. Maybe I could still run after my dreams, maybe I could still reach them.

But I'm stuck. I can't move. I can't run after it. I can't reach my dreams.

I'm hopeless. I'm giving up.

I fell down. I'm now facing the ground.

And then I smiled because I realized that whenever I'm down, there's no other way but up.

So I'm smiling. I'm getting up. I'm getting ready to chase after my dreams. I still have time; and I won't let that time just pass by without me achieving something.

I'll be proving myself again; not to hear praises from people but to shed a tear or two when I pass the ACET.

Jesus. He's my inspiration. And I believe that when He says YES, nobody can say NO.

I'm dreaming big and I'm achieving it.

Watch me as I reach for my goal.

Watch me as I prove them all wrong.

Watch as my God work on me.

Watch as my God prepare the way for me.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Do you even know how frustrated I am right now? Do you even know how disappointed I am? The hell is all this? Every freaking time I want to buy a particular book, they don't have it? Darn it. It's been happening to me lots of times!

Halt. Pant. Smile.

My Sorrow.

My heart is full, heavy and packed with disappointments. The dark clouds, dense and ready to pour ponderous rain for it can't hold the weight anymore. Just like my heart, dismal and glutted with frustrations. Unable to seize this much oppression. My eyes: ready to emit chief amount of tears but my mind strongly opposes to what my heart covets. All these impediments cause my smile to turn upside down; my laughter into hush. It feels like I'm the biggest disenchantment of myself and of other people as well. I'm trying to shroud the genuine feelings I have so people won't dispute what's going on; what I'm actually going through. Because I don't know how to explain, to express myself; and to make them understand. As I sit here, writing this, I wonder how will I tell the people around me the truth. Will they be able to comprehend? Should I open up to them or should I just keep this to myself? Maybe, just maybe, I can just decode things on my own. Maybe these things in my heart will flow out of my system together with the tears I brace inside me; once I drench them. Perhaps, keeping it inside would help other people to feel better for they wouldn't know what I perceive and hold inside. Things will get better, it may be stormy in my life now but, like what they always say; it can't rain forever. All I have to do is trust Him and do my best to stay smiling. As much as possible, be radiant despite everything.

Fool.

It's heavily raining outside. My room's windows are all fogged out. Alone in my room. With my phone beside me. Honestly, I'm waiting for your message that will never come. It's cold and the sad feeling inside me is making things worse.

I have no idea why I'm feeling this way. I have no idea why I'm thinking of you. But the biggest mystery I have in my head is why do I still love you.

I already knew from the start I have no chance.

I already knew from the start this won't get me anywhere.

I already knew you won't love me as much as I love you.

But I didn't care.

I didn't care at all.

I believed someday you'll also feel the same way for me.

After all those pain, I still love you.

Why is all I can ask myself.

I guess I'll forever be a fool when it comes to you.

Tears running down my face.

The rain is just making me feel even sadder.

It feels like heaven is also crying.

It feels like heaven also feels my pain.

I guess I really am a fool.

Like someone in the middle of the dessert waiting for the rain.

Hunger; The Worst Feeling I've Ever Felt.

I've been craving for donuts since last night and I don't know why. So a while ago, I told my cousin to go to SM and buy some delicious, mouthwatering Country Style donuts. When he was there, he sent me a text message saying "There's no more donuts." And as I was reading that my heart was already breaking into pieces. And then I got to think why the heck would they run out of donuts? I mean, dude, can't they bake/ship more pieces 'cause someone's craving for some right now. That actually ruined my mood. I wanted to jump off a cliff. No, seriously. That's how much I was craving for the donut! God, I wish there's some kind of miracle right now and some donut would just fall out of the sky. Seriously. Gonna drink my milk and forget about the donut for now.

Photo credit: Google

Off To Dreamland, I Go.

And I'll just leave this here.

So yeah, I'm finally going to end my day. I'm ending my day right; with a smile. Goodbye March 29! Though you've been boring, you've brought me good vibes. And hello March 30th! Be good to me, alright? So goodbye reality and hello dreamland! ♥

I'm so tired and I don't know why, I didn't even exert too much energy today but I feel so tired. Bet my bed will be so darn comfy tonight. Wait for me, bed, I'm coming.

Adios, Mi Amigos! (Credits to Renzo lol)

Work: Done.

So the article for the School Paper is finally done.

Don't they dare say it's not good enough! They do it then. lol

So today's the second day of my vacation. It's so boring. And I'm hungry all day, idek.

My summer vacation: All day internet surfing, non-stop eating, music overload. That's pretty much it.

So to sum it up, I am in love with The Click Five and Big Time Rush. Oh, Bruno Mars and Maroon 5 too. ;)

PS. I love these guys for who they are, their looks and bodies are just a big bonus. :P

Macau's Sunset Scenery

I love photography. But I don't like taking too much pictures of people in PUBLIC. So, last year, we went to Macau. And Macau is a great country! I took a picture of the sunset scenery. I think it's pretty cool.

School Paper.

Seriously, why make a school paper when the school year's already finished? I mean, dude. Common sense. Oh yeah, it's not so common. No, really. Why? Why? Why?!

So, I realized it's been a year or so since I last updated this blog. I'm here again, well because I am to write an article about Azkals, for our school paper. At first I was really happy since it's Azkals then I got disappointed since I don't think I'll be able to see it since the school year's over. I'm supposed to be in a SUMMER BREAK. As in break from school works; but here I am sitting in front of the computer receiving a message from my teacher asking me to write something about Azkals for our school paper. How about no? But I can't say no. I just can't.

So I'm still thinking of what to write about them, except the for the fact that I am crazily in love with James. Why does he have to be so hot?!

Okay, forgive me for spazzing about that hot dude.

I gotta get my head on the school paper already. There are these words floating inside my head and I just gotta have to arrange them and make a story worth posting in the school paper.